It’s been long since i’ve last updated a post and i really hate it when it’s such a sensitive topic to talk about. I want to blog about my first experience with death when my close friend lost his life to a bike accident.
When the news arrived, it literally exploded your mind and you’ll be like,’what the fuck is going on…what the fuck is going…’. The cycle continue on in part of your brain while you quickly scrambled to call or text other people to verify whether the news is true.
Even when you validated it, the cursing continues and your mind go into this blank state not knowing what to think, how to feel even. it’s really scary how this empty void eat you up on the inside while you are being caught up unknowingly.
I’m pretty sure I wasn’t sad at the that moment when i first saw his body. I was still cursing in my head, unable to accept the stark reality that my training partner have passed away and gone to a better place. I WAS STILL CURSING AND CURSING, not knowing whether i’m angry or sad.
However, I knew the moment i was sad and very very upset when my friend came forth and hold me by the shoulder, asking how am I holding up. When tears came flooding out like waterfall that’s when I know that i’m sad…all the cursing were just me being unable to accept that he’s gone, that someone i knew had passed away, that someone i always joked with had passed away, that someone who constantly pushed me on in training had passed away.
And I resent the fact that I cannot act like a fool with you anymore, cannot introduce you to good food anymore (remember mcspicy with cheese?) and talk about dirty topics during training anymore.
I hope you’re doing better up there than here, my friend. here’s to you, to a friend, to a buddy, to a training partner and so much more